


Memories

by potatoschmotato



Category: Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Major Character Injury, Memory Loss, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2020-07-31 17:55:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20119204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoschmotato/pseuds/potatoschmotato
Summary: Post Harvardville (2005), Leon and Claire go their separate ways with the promise to meet under more..."normal" circumstances, but the world has different plans. Leon tries to reckon with the strange relationship he and Claire have, but they will both have to work through what romance means when you've faced death more than you've been in love.





	1. Chapter 1

Harvardville had left her exhausted – a weird mix of open, raw nerve and shut-off introvert. After saying goodbye to Rani and Rani’s aunt, Claire was driving home, thinking over…well, everything. Harvardville blurred with Raccoon City; many moments from each outbreak were so similar it was hard to not intertwine them. 

She had called Chris as soon as she got in the car. She knew he would have heard about the outbreak, the facility, and the explosion, and he would be worried. The longer Claire waited to contact him, the worse his reaction would be. She knew he took it hard, and personal, when she got in danger. 

“Do you want me to stay with you for a few days?” He’d thrown out softly. 

Chris wasn’t implying she couldn’t handle coming down from surviving an outbreak without him. It was the nightmares. Everyone who survived – her, Chris, Jill, Leon – everyone had their demons afterwards. Claire’s were vivid nightmares. Every moment replayed when she closed her eyes, and every time Chris had come over and helped her. They double checked doors and tucked guns under pillows and in other discreet locations; they checked the shadows when walking by alleyways. Nothing had happened, but the idea of security, as well as the exhaustion, had let Claire start to relax and start to heal.

“No, I’m fine. I’m just…worn out.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie. The exhaustion was slightly more pressing than the boogeymen she was imagining. Stopping at lights this late at night had her triple-checking every shadow around the car, expecting something to shamble toward her.   
Claire hung up after a few normal exchanges. The conversation was over, but Chris was worried. He was dragging the conversation out to see if she would change her mind. But she didn’t. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t. She doubted he would give her space for long. One…two days max. But, while she could, Claire wanted to break on her own, to put herself back together on her own terms, before she started trying to be normal. 

The walk to her apartment door was well lit, and people were outside. A few doors down college kids were sitting outside, drinking, smoking, and talking, and the normalcy was reassuring for her. The world kept going as though nothing happened, and she knew, eventually, she would too.

Most importantly, Claire wanted a bath. She spent the rest of the night being menial and a little insane. She washed her clothes and put an extra gun in a hidden spot by the door. She watched television and the skyline, expecting to see lights start to go out one by one, but nothing happened. It may have been worse that way – being in a constant state of anticipation. 

Her phone began to buzz and sing from the coffee table during a poorly filmed, local infomercial. 

_Leon?_

Jill had wanted to make sure they all stayed in contact, so she passed around their phone numbers, but it still made Claire laugh to see his name on her phone. She hadn’t seen Leon in person since she had come back from Rockfort, yet she had his phone number. Young her remembered when getting someone’s number had been a key point in…something, but considering everything between him; it was, well, laughable. There had been a spot for him at the celebration thrown when she and Chris returned, but he never showed. Leon was already a government agent. Work, travel, all of it kept him busy and distant outside of short text conversations here and there.

_Normal circumstances..._

This wasn’t normal. And though Leon was someone she wanted to talk to, she didn’t have any words right now. She wanted to be shut off for a while. Claire declined the call, but she felt a pang of guilt.

_He’ll understand, right?_

At least, she hoped…

Except he was Leon. Years of poking fun at him for Ada and recently Angela Miller had taught her Leon wasn’t great at understanding other people’s needs or intentions, whether hers or someone else’s. Like Chris, he probably wanted to know if she was okay. Five minutes later her phone was ringing again. She sighed and declined it.

He called two more times. Claire felt she was being unfair, declining him without saying something. She didn’t want to wall herself off; she just wanted to be alone. 

_Sorry, I’m exhausted. I’m going to try to sleep. I’ll call you at lunch tomorrow, kay?_

Send. That was innocuous. She was just…tired. He had to understand that. Despite Chris’s own experiences with S.T.A.R.S. and the B.S.A.A., Leon had the same experience as her in Raccoon City, and that comforted Claire. She assumed that, no matter what, he would always understand how weird the moments after you escape with your life are. She just wanted to catch her breath before opening herself up to anyone. 

Her phone went off one more time:

_Sure thing. Get some rest. _

It took a while, but she finally got some sleep. Nothing restful or substantial, but it helped Claire feel normal. She woke up screaming a few times; she’d woke up crying a few times. After she’d wrapped up at Harvardville, calls from TerraSave had come fast. Half the car ride with Rani and Rani’s aunt had been answering the questions of superior after superior. When her boss had suggested taking some time for herself, she’d jumped at it. Now that she was home, healing, Claire was glad there weren’t responsibilities forcing her to act as though nothing happened.

This morning, after a shower and several heavy cries, Claire just wanted to get coffee. Outside was bright and almost too idyllic, and she hated the idea of staying inside for all of it despite what she was going through. Plus, she’d run out of coffee before she’d left for Harvardville anyway. The universe was pushing her outside whether she truly wanted it or not. 

Glancing at the watch, she had a few hours. Claire could make a quick run to the coffee shop, grab lunch, and come home. She’d call Leon while she ate, make sure she thanked him, and let him know she was in one piece, broken and still unsure, but she was there. She’d be fine. _Right?_ Leon had enough to deal with. The last thing he needed was Claire’s self-doubt and pain.

But the day didn’t go in her favor. Setting off from the green light at the intersection, there was a moment where Claire could really think about what was happening. A large SUV had run the light going too fast and plowed into her side of the car, sending her car tumbling. When it landed, she smacked hard against the frame of her door with a crack. 

Pedestrians ran to the wreck, phones in hand, and brief yells faded into the background for Claire. As they made their way to the car, the young, auburn-haired girl sat there, eyes closed. She looked serene despite the cuts and blood on her face from the glass that had exploded into the car. 

Across town, an older brother was experiencing one of the few nightmares he’d had before the Spencer Mansion Incident and calling others, panicked. 

“Claire’s been in an accident. I’m going to the hospital.”


	2. Chapter 2

Leon sat on his couch at home, working the night away on his laptop. Harvardville had wrapped up, and he’d already heard there were more lines to follow. He was trying to finish his report, going back over every detail, but he kept glancing at his phone. _One in the morning _. The report could be finished tomorrow; he’d stopped making meaningful progress about an hour ago anyways. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Leon was avoiding sleep. 

Laying on his couch, hands behind his head on the pillow, he was staring at the ceiling, waiting for his body to shut down, and his mind was drifting over the last hours. 

Claire hadn’t wanted to talk. Although she turned down the ride, he’d been worried about how she was handling another outbreak. Leon knew she was stronger (He was surprised she could be stronger than the young girl that had tackled a city-wide outbreak, looking for her brother with a young girl in tow.), but no one walked away from an outbreak “fine”. He’d seen the fear on Claire’s face after Raccoon City when she was lost in thought, and he wanted to make sure those fears didn’t linger after Harvardville, especially after their talk in the tent. Although she thanked him, Leon didn’t think Claire fully bought his reassurances. 

Leon carried the burden of survivor’s guilt, and he knew it but imagining Claire carrying that guilt bothered him. He was sure Claire had her own problems, but he couldn’t imagine her lingering on it. Redfields always picked themselves up and carried on. Claire was no exception. She’d survived time and time again with that determination, and she used her belief in people to support those around her. Even at the worst of times in Raccoon City, she was encouraging and optimistic, and Leon wanted her to remain that way. Burdens like guilt were fine for him, but for her… 

He didn’t have time to finish the thought. Sleep carried him off as he tried to think about Claire and what he could do to let her know she could confide in him again. His watch read nine in the morning. It was technically a full night’s rest, but it didn’t feel like anything. Stressful sleep never did. Claire was due to call him at lunch, so he figured he had time to get work done and get food. 

Halfway through a cup of coffee, Leon was sure he had most of the report done. He’d read it over for mistakes before submitting it, then he was thinking of asking for time off – just a few days – when his phone began ringing from the other room, interrupting his train of thought. 

_Jill?_

Leon had expected it to be work, a mission he needed to leave out for ASAP, but Valentine’s name had caught him off guard. Although they were all meant to be reaching out if they ever needed anything, they weren’t that talkative. He’d never texted either her or Chris. Leon had sent a few messages to Claire here and there, but he couldn’t think of a reason for Jill to contact him. 

“Kennedy.”

“Leon…Did I wake you?” 

“What’s wrong?” Leon could tell. Jill was someone many couldn’t handle. She came off short and to the point. There weren’t flowery words, and there wasn’t dancing around the topic. To hear her stumble and hesitate, Leon knew something was wrong. 

“It’s Claire. She’s in the hospital. Pretty bad wreck.” 

The rest of the call was done in the car on a frantic drive. Before he’d even had a moment to think, Leon was packing and driving to the airport. He’d emailed Hunnigan to say that he had a family emergency – someone in the hospital. She’d gotten him a quick, private flight and said she would run interception with supervisors to keep him free. Hunnigan didn’t ask any questions, and Leon was grateful; he didn’t want to explain why he needed to go now and who it was for. He’d been deliberate in leaving Claire out of the government’s eye since Raccoon City, and the last thing he needed was to dance around his boss or anyone else at work right now. 

Jill hadn’t known how bad Claire was. Like Leon, she was stuck in flight limbo. Chris had given her the call while agents were investigating leads from the Harvardville incident, and Jill was one of those. She had been in upper New England investigating some shipping logs and shell companies the B.S.A.A. were heavily watching. When he’d heard about Claire’s involvement, Chris had booked the first flight out from his location and back home to help.

“Chris didn’t even know how bad she was. He’d just got the call and was rushing there, but he knew that they’d taken her to the best hospital in the area. Assume the worst.” 

Leon felt deflated. Jill wasn’t pessimistic, she was realistic. For Claire to need to go to a better treatment facility, it meant she needs specialized, intense care. They both assumed that Chris would call with an update when there was more information and he had time to collect his thoughts, but they knew the longer that took, the worse it probably was. When it was near twelve and Leon hadn’t heard anything, he called Jill again. He was close to landing and had expected an update by now. 

But she hadn’t heard anything else from Chris. 

In fact, Jill couldn’t get in touch with him at all. Chris wasn’t answering his phone, and it was going straight to voicemail. Whatever was happening, Chris didn’t want to talk to Jill, of all people, about it, and Leon could tell that unnerved her. 

_Assume the worst_

Leon caught the words in his head. They had been there since Jill had said them, hanging in the background and eating at his thoughts when he let down his guard. There had been a delusion in Leon’s head that Claire would be fine, sat in a bed, annoyed that Chris had overreacted and called everyone in. She would be mad for a while, but, eventually, she would be glad to have everyone around, looking after her. Chris’s unwillingness to talk to anyone was eating at the lie Leon held onto in his mind. As he made his way toward the front of the airport, knowing that Hunnigan had booked a car for him, he heard a familiar voice calling out to him. 

“Leon!” 

Jill was quickly walking toward him, one hand flagging him down. 

“Can I ride with you?”

It wasn’t truthfully a question. Jill was already matching his pace, nearly pushing him out of the airport. At the door, a man with a small sign with Leon’s name on it waited for them. He handed over some keys, pointed to an SUV outside the door, and asked it to be returned here when they were done. The guy hadn’t asked any questions or wanted any proof of anything. Hunnigan had likely provided everything long before Leon landed. 

They made small talk along the way, but it wasn’t genial. They were avoiding talking about Claire. Leon didn’t want to talk about because there was nothing new to say, but he wanted to talk about it because it was all he could think of. Finally, Jill was the one to break the silence, but she wouldn’t face Leon. 

“This is going to be pretty bad, isn’t it?”

Leon kept driving. He wasn’t looking at her either.

“Yeah…” It hurt to admit it, but he was starting to believe so. Chris’s actions - the lack of an update, or the lack of time to contact them for an update – pointed to something bad. Leon had thought about looking up information about the wreck during the flight, but he also didn’t want to know. If he knew how bad the wreck was, he would start calculating odds and imagining injuries. 

They slid into a parking spot and were out of the car fast, nearly running toward the front desk. When they told the receptionist they were there for Claire Redfield, she’d given them visitor badges and obscure directions. Despite a few missed turns, they found Chris wrapping up a phone call, leaning on the wall with one hand, his back to them.

“She’s been in surgery since I got here. There were lot of internal injuries causing bleeding. She’s also got some broken bones and scrapes but one step at a time.” Chris let out a heavy sigh while he put up his phone. “I called Rebecca to get her opinion. She said it would be touch and go, so surgery will last a few hours. If they can pull it off, she’ll be in the clear.” 

_So, those are the stakes._

Leon made his way to a wall and leaned against it. He was tired of sitting, but he wasn’t sure he could stand there, taking in the news either. Jill went over and hugged Chris, telling him how sorry she was, but Leon could tell it wasn’t having any effect. Nothing would.

“I should have called you guys, but it took a while to get any real information, and then you just have to sit and wait.” Chris looked genuine and despondent as he sat down. “I couldn’t keep my cool, but I didn’t want to walk away in case something happened.”  
Now Leon and Jill had joined the ranks. They were all in this weird no-man’s-land, waiting to see what they would do next. Until surgery was done, they were just stuck, waiting. 

“Do you know what happened?” Leon finally asked – he’d take anything to focus on rather than just…watching the door for some news. 

“No. I didn’t have time. I came in from a different side of town, so I didn’t pass the wreck, and I’m glad I didn’t. I don’t think I would have been better if I had seen what caused this much damage. I probably would have flown off the handle.” Chris seemed tired the longer he talked. Leon wondered how much sleep he had gotten. Having something like this on top of Chris’s temper…the hospital was probably lucky he was too tired to lash out. 

“I’m sure the police will poke their heads around a few times, especially once she recovers. We’ll find more out then.” Although, Jill seemed to be annoyed by the thought as she said it. 

The group tried to pass the time by making plans of what they would do when Claire was discharged. They didn’t really have answers, but it put them in a better headspace, thinking about where they were going rather than where they were. Chris thought it would be best she come to his place. It was closer to the hospital and doctors in the area, and he had a larger apartment because Jill or Leon made it clear they were not willing to stay in a hotel. They wanted to be within a shout’s distance once Claire was out, so they had to fit four people somewhere when she was discharged. As far as Chris knew, Claire had a two-bedroom apartment – one for her and one for guests (mostly Chris, really) that doubled as an office. They couldn’t fit, so his place won by technicality. 

But Leon felt a small pang of shame. The more Chris talked about Claire, the more Leon realized he didn’t know much about her. Yes, he’d texted her here and there, and after she came back from the island, they had talked about what happened to Sherry briefly. But he wasn’t there. He had time to tell her about Sherry being taken, about his decision and motivations, but it was all brief. She hadn’t been able to talk back; he hadn’t let her. Leon told Claire the facts and left her to deal with the emotional fallout. What had happened to him and Sherry couldn’t be changed, and, he felt guilty admitting this, he didn’t have time and didn't want to talk about it. Missions were rolling in and life was happening. He was out there, fighting. He couldn’t sit and debate every choice with her, and as time went on, there were less decisions that needed Claire’s input. 

Their relationship had gotten better. Leon wouldn’t say everything was fine because he knew they weren’t. They hadn’t come together to talk about their emotions and responses to Raccoon City and its aftermath. Instead, Claire and he had continued moving forward. In fact, Claire had sent him a message that smoothed things over and, if Leon was honest with himself, made him feel better about the part he played in their situation.

_You did the right thing, Leon. I’m sorry I didn’t stay to help._

He knew she had no reason to apologize. It wasn’t her fault, and it wasn’t something she needed to blame herself for. Back then, Leon felt there had been a choice, stay or go, and she hadn’t chosen him over her brother. Even if she had explained it until she was blue in the face, Leon hadn’t understood that Chris and Claire were so close, that Chris was her only family, that she wanted everyone in her ‘family’ to be safe. 

Things had escalated, and he had yelled at her – no, practically screamed at her – to go find her brother. In hindsight, it was exhaustion and pain that had partly made Leon unreasonable. Although it was probably much more, he also knew the fact that he couldn’t just go with her had only angered him more. Sherry needed someone to care for her, so he had unfairly forced Claire repent for something not entirely her own. 

Leon felt that he’d spent years not knowing how to talk to her because of the guilt he had over his reaction, but things had steadily gotten better since Claire’s email. That email, and many other moments, reminded Leon that Claire never held anything against him, or so he felt, but he feared that level of forgiveness; it required a kind of trust that demanded vulnerability.

Because he feared her openness, Leon had kept Claire at an arm’s length until Harvardville, but something had changed, and he didn’t know what prompted it or when it truly started. When they walked away from the outbreak, he’d wanted to start over and meet normally, to see what they were now. 

_Why am I even here?_

He’d never talked to her about life. He’d messaged her a few times when he’d been on a mission or she in an incident to ask if she was alright, to say he was alright. Leon didn’t just ask her how her life was. He’d been…busy. That’s what he’d told himself at least. He now realized that the truth was Leon had been selfish.

Raccoon City had been seven years ago, and he could count on two hands the number of conversations, if you could call it that, they had had since. How much currency does surviving something like that carry in a relationship? Could he even call it a friendship anymore? Why did he volunteer to take care of her? What’s her favorite food? What did she hate? Could he even help, or would he get in the way? 

_Right now, you just want to know she’s alright, and you want to help. There’s nothing wrong with that. She would do the same if it were you._

Which didn’t help as much as it should. If Leon were in the same situation, Claire would be there, too. She’d be outside the surgery room telling everyone who was worrying or second-guessing his chances that he was Leon S. Kennedy, survivor and hero. He would pull through anything. She was unwavering, and here he was – cracking under the slightest pressure. 

Chris and Leon had slowly begun to pace the room in strange patterns. First in a line then a circle. Now they had evolved into a weird, random pattern and without making eye contact, and Jill wasn’t immune from her own anxious ticks. Her leg had started bouncing, and she’d been switching legs in her seating position more frequently as time passed, checking her phone out of habit and hoping for an escape. 

For once today, luck was on their side. A tall man in scrubs came through the doors, removing his surgical mask and making his way to the group. 

“She’s made it through surgery.” The doctor was wiping some sweat off his forehead. “We’re going to wheel her up to a recovery room to rest it out, and she’ll be unconscious for a while; we had a lot to do. It was worse than we had thought, so it was touch and go for a while. But she’s a fighter. We’ll start moving her, and a nurse will walk you guys to the room. I’ll be in there later to make sure post-op is fine, and we can talk more then.” 

He turned and went back through the doors, leaving Jill, Chris, and Leon standing there. For the first time, and probably the only time, Leon watched Chris Redfield cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the length varying so much from chapter to chapter. I wish I could keep it uniform, but some smaller stories seem to need more and more. 
> 
> I hope this makes a cohesive story in the long-run, and I'm sorry for the slow building. This story is going to be a fair amount of Leon reckoning with his demons and truths, Claire's recovery, Leon's relationship to other characters, Claire's side, and, finally, everything coming together. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

According to the surgeon, they had thought there were only a few bleeds, but as they’d fix one another would open, and they thought it a miracle she held on at all. Later in the day, they took her through to get x-rays done on her brain as Claire had come in with a noticeable injury to her head from the wreck. Thankfully there was no swelling and severe damage, but they weren’t sure that something wouldn’t manifest when she woke up; they’d have to wait and see. All-in-all, at every turn that this could have been a worst-case scenario, Claire had, somehow, been lucky. 

_Everything is going to be alright._

The room noticeably shifted. Jill and Leon respectively crashed down on the couch and chair in the corner of Claire’s room when the surgeon finished. The nurse brought in an extra chair for Chris to sit in at Claire’s bedside. The doctor was just waiting on her to wake up, have a day of observation, and see where to go from there. Everyone was hopeful they’d be taking her home first thing in the morning. Leon was thankful because he was already finding the hospital claustrophobic.

“She’s going to be miserable when she comes to.” Jill had jokingly offered up after a long silence between them three, watching Claire. “The first time someone has to help her go to the bathroom, we’re never going to hear the end of it.” 

They all managed a feint giggled. It was the first time since they’d heard the good news that they had let relief out. Leon knew they were worried that if they celebrated, then they’d jinx something. Now that they’d heard several professionals say everything was fine, there was a meager confidence. 

“She’s going to be mad at Chris for calling and telling anyone.” Jill was still smiling at the thought. Leon could imagine Claire yelling at her brother already. If she could have moved, she would have fought him, but looking at her now, she was going to be confined to a bed for a while. Chris was probably going to milk the advantage when she woke up. 

“Yeah. Good thing she can’t do anything about it.” Chris smiled a little. His eyes were red, but the color and smile were returning to his face. Leon had noticed just how much, in times like this, Claire was the glue that kept everyone holding it together. He’d never fully appreciated how much she helped their group get through, apparently, anything. 

But Chris looked dejected at his joke after a few minutes. Claire had some broken bones – her left arm, left leg, and collarbone. Ribs had been cracked, and the exposed parts of her – her right arm, her neck – were already showing bruises. Her face had some cuts and scrapes, but Leon couldn’t see that they truly affected much, and he didn’t think Claire would be bothered by them. No, she was going to be happy to have survived in the long run, he thought. Face cuts would be the last thing to bother her. 

“When we first get her to my place, I’ll probably crash. I don’t want to try to help her or give her medicine while I’m exhausted; I don’t want to mess that up.” Chris was holding Claire’s hand, rubbing it with his thumb and focusing on her face. 

Leon was glad she looked peaceful. It was a cliché, but she really looked as though she was sleeping, as though nothing had happened. If she’d looked to be in pain, he wasn’t sure any of them could have stayed. 

“It may be best to figure out a rotation. That’ll let everyone sleep without fear that something will happen without one of us there. Right now, let’s just enjoy this small victory.” Jill had walked over and started patting Chris’s shoulder. “She’s going to be fine.” 

“I’ll feel better when she says something – when she’s mad at me.” 

“You’ll feel better when you have something on your stomach.” Jill laughed at him. “Leon and I will go down to the cafeteria, eat, let you two have some time, and we’ll bring you back up something.” 

Leon and Jill made their way back down to the ground floor of the hospital. The cafeteria wasn’t anything great. They’d paid too much for underwhelming sandwiches, side salads, and drinks. Jill had picked out a table with some light sunlight cast on it and sat down with a hefty sigh, and they pushed through the food without talking, working passed the exhaustion and anxiety. After a few moments, they both looked more alert and awake. 

“Let’s take our time,” Jill offered up. “I think Chris would appreciate some time just being with her.” 

Leon looked out the window. Things were going to be fine. He knew that. He kept repeating it to himself, but he wasn’t fully buying it. Nothing good just…happens. Not to him, not to them. Sometimes, he guessed, but nothing this good. There was a lingering fear of some shoe waiting to drop. 

While Jill was still eating, he dawdled on his phone, checking his email. He’d been an agent for several years, and his inbox was always filling with some chain or request, but Leon was surprised to see only one email. 

_Take all the time you need. Hope everything is okay and for a speedy recovery. See you when you get back.  
-Hunnigan_

It was nice to just have this moment – a breath from how much his work could, if unchecked, suffocate him. The government had stopped holding his life back after he established himself as a reliable agent, but Leon had gone a long time without the freedom to leave, to take time off, or to say no to certain things. Admittedly, he didn’t use these things often even now, but this felt like the right time to try it. 

_Made it out of surgery. Close call. Waiting for them to wake up but seems to be in the clear for now. Bad list of injuries – internal bleeding, broken bones, all of it. Going to stay for recovery for as long as I can. Thanks._

It felt fair to update her, but once they were in a schedule, he was going to focus on Claire’s recovery more than work as much as possible. Leon shuffled through his phone for only a minute longer before he noticed Jill watching him. 

“I’ll be frank, Kennedy. I’m curious as to what’s going on here.” Jill was absently twirling her fork through her remaining food, but Leon could tell she was subtly watching his reactions. 

“What do you mean?” 

“What you’re doing here. I’ve not heard from you in years; Chris neither. I suspected Claire and you would keep tabs better, but I remember her telling me about how bad things were between you guys after Raccoon City, then things were suddenly better, but well…you were still never around during holidays. You didn’t even show up when she landed after Rockfort. Now, you’re here suddenly during her accident.” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” 

Jill seemed to be thinking over the answer, tracing the ceiling with her eyes for a minute before continuing. “I just…I would have pegged you as someone who cared at a distance, I guess. I didn’t expect you to come when I called you. I figured you would want updates, continue with your job, and I’d call you eventually to tell you if she was alright. You’d say ‘Thanks, Jill,’ hang up, and we wouldn’t hear from you again.” 

It stung, but Leon wasn’t sure Jill was wrong. If he didn’t care, that is exactly what Leon would have done. 

“Because I care what happens. Claire would do the same.” 

“Ah…” Jill took a long sip of her water before meeting Leon eye-to-eye. “I think you need to decide if this is how Leon Kennedy reacts now, too, for my two cents. And for two reasons: Claire deserves better than what you’ve been, but also because Chris is going to be kind, but his concern about Claire’s happiness is going to hang in the air. Things have been shit between you two, and Claire was torn up for a while. Now, things are different, but for Chris and me, you made her feel like awful. Chris is going to want to know what’s different, and you’re going to need an answer. I don’t suggest you hide anything from him even if it makes you look bad, Kennedy. You’re going into this fight with one strike against you, and you don’t want him to find that you’ve lied to him.”

“I’ll take note. Thanks.” Truthfully, Leon had felt anxiety coming up his throat the whole conversation. Long ago, he had thought hard about what suddenly returning to fold would have been like, and this confrontation had been one of his reasons for running. Returning to everything after the way he left it and how he left it meant reckoning with parts of his past. Atoning to everyone involved honesty with parts of him he’d pushed away for so long.

“Listen, Kennedy. This is just advice – take it with a grain of salt. I would consider how you want this to impact Claire, honestly. Chris may not like it, but Claire won’t back down, and she won’t if you’re genuine in your intentions. No one is going to deny you the chance to help now, but you need to be aware that for Claire and Chris, the people who help are important. They don’t have much family, so who they choose to let be family are very important. Very important. You can’t show up for things like this, disappear again, and act like everything’s fine when she gets back on her feet.” 

He didn’t have an answer, just a nod. Leon had always known that eventually half-assing relationships would catch up with him. What he had expected was that Chris or Jill would know everything that had happened between he and Claire. From Jill’s conversation, it seemed that Claire kept her conversations with Leon private. Claire never read as private when it came to Chris, so he was surprised to find that she felt those conversations with Leon were worth hiding.  


“Come on. I didn’t mean to put you in a bad mood. Just wanted to give you a head’s up. Chris’s had his moment, and I hate to do this to you, but I want to sit with Claire for a while. I’m going to push you guys out for a while, then I’ll get Chris away to let you sit with her. Fair?”

As always, Jill wasn’t truly asking for Leon to accept. She was already heading to throw away her trash and walk to the elevator when Leon caught up. Back in the room, Chris readily took the cafeteria food, but, begrudgingly, he listened when Jill had told him to leave with Leon and eat outside in the sun. 

She was blunt and forceful: “I gave you time alone with her. I want my time. Just an hour.” 

Silently, Chris and Leon made their way to an outside area with benches. It used to be a smoking area from the ash tray/trash can combination at the edge of the small seating area, but it had since been converted to an area for mental wellness according to the nearby sign. 

While staring at his phone, Leon watched as twenty minutes passed with no conversation while Chris ate. Unfortunately for Leon, Chris was already starting to regain his energy. 

“What have you been up to, Rookie?” 

“Missions, travel, the whole routine. You know how it is.” Leon watched people walking to the parking lot. 

“Yep.” Chris took a sip of his drink. “Yep, I do.” Chris drew out that last part. It was like a southern drawl it moved so slow. Leon could see Chris was thinking through what to say; he had the same contemplative face as Jill. 

“Let’s cut the bullshit, Rookie. I do know exactly what your schedule is. We’re two sides of the same coin on that. I know how much time it can eat up if you don’t watch it; I’ve done it, you’ve done it, Jill’s done it. We all do it especially considering what we’re up against. What I don’t care for is the fact that, out of the blue, you show up.” Leon had started to say something, but Chris kept going. Chris was letting off something he’d been thinking about for a while now. 

“I’m not saying you’re unwelcome. Claire would want you here, but that’s what I don’t get. On the plane back from Rockfort, I’d asked about you. I know you had told me who you were when we met – Raccoon City, all of that – and I got it, but I wanted Claire’s side. You sought me out. You told me I was being watched by Umbrella; I appreciated that. You told me Claire was in danger and where she was; I appreciated that. She tells me you’re a good guy; you’d saved her life, helped her escape. I appreciated that. But she doesn’t seem happy. I asked what was next. The girl, Sherry, you – what was she going to do when she got back? She said she would have to find out what’s happened since she had been gone. You guys would figure it out; she hadn’t thought this far ahead.” 

Leon was worried. Chris was getting faster and faster, building to something. 

“When she comes back, you’re not there. She sends you another email. At the time, Claire lived with me. She didn’t have a job or anywhere to go. College wasn’t going to work out – she had been gone too long, and she had a different idea of what she wanted to do in life. She wanted to help, to stop outbreaks. Then Claire heard back from you. Now, I’ve seen Claire hurt. We watch stupid movies, she complains, and she gets over it. It doesn’t take long… a week at most. For the first time, I saw something different – I saw Claire disappointed.” Chris hit the table. Some people had started to near the benches for a rest but now veered far from the two men sat at the table. 

“She’s only done that a few times in life, and she shuts down. Claire didn’t really talk to me for weeks. It was all short answers, and she didn’t pay attention. Things started to get better after about a month, and she got on her way. Claire gets her TerraSave job, Harvardville happens, I hear you show up, and she comes home safe and sound. You can understand why, right now, I’m a little confused on what you are to my little sister.” 

It was a lot for Leon to take in. Chris had essentially regurgitated what felt like seven years of older-sibling concern, and Leon could tell that it was a minefield. Jill had warned him, and he had to trust in that advice if he wanted to stay around while Claire healed.

“Listen, I don’t expect you to believe me, but I do care about what happens to Claire, about her pulling through and being okay. I haven’t shown any of that before, and I don’t deserve your trust. But I could have stayed away. Instead, I came here. I don’t know what’s different, but something changed in Harvardville.”

_This is shit_. Leon would have rather had a thousand Harvardvilles than this conversation.

“I’ve been shitty to Claire – which is what you wanted to find out – and I’m not proud of it. I’ve been hiding behind guilt and pity for myself rather than being there for Claire – in any capacity. I’ve been selfish. She’s given, and I’ve taken without thinking twice. I blamed her for Sherry, for leaving. It wasn’t right, and I distanced her because I was ashamed, but I can’t keep being this way. Eventually, she…she may not be there for me.” 

Leon had just said it. He hadn’t known he’d be able to say that much to Chris or that he worried Claire would, someday, stop being there, but he knew it was true. Starting this conversation was forcing him to feel things he’d never acknowledged, and anxiety was creeping in despite his typical, calm demeanor. Years of training had made him cool under pressure, processing several options when on missions. However, sitting here with Chris, talking candidly about he and Claire, went beyond any training.

“Alright, Rookie. I’ll take that for what it is.” Chris stood up, stretching and checking his watch. “Been about an hour. And, Rookie,” He smacked Leon hard on the shoulder, “I’ll be watching.” 

Leon wasn’t going to get anywhere with Chris without proving something. He just needed to put his head down and work now, and that was better than needing to continually testify to Chris – judge, jury, and executioner when it came to Claire. 

They returned to Claire’s room in silence, and Chris and Jill mad their way outside to walk and talk, leaving Leon with Claire. Leon figured Jill probably wanted to get some of the stress off Chris. His issue with Leon aside, Chris probably was dealing with his own shame over what happened to Claire, and he needed as much help processing as Leon did. 

At first, he didn’t know what to do. He took the seat next to Claire and just…watched her. Leon looked at her casts and took in how weird the image was. The last thing Leon would have ever imagined was seeing Claire this vulnerable and damaged. During Raccoon City, she’d made it out without much of a scratch – mostly dirt and grime. Leon had left with a few scrapes and a gunshot wound. Harvardville had been the first time he’d seen her truly hurt, and his immediate reaction was to get her out and to get her to safety. To see Claire this hurt was too much to process. It seemed like a joke. 

_What do you do here?_

“Hey.” His voice was hoarse. Leon had spent so much time staring at her that his throat had dried out. He checked his watch; five minutes had passed. Leon leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. This was going to be a while. 

_What am I doing?_

Leon wasn’t honestly sure. The main concern was that Claire would wake up alone, but as he and Jill had come up to get Chris, they had heard him talking to Claire. Now, he understood it – sitting here in silence was agonizing. 

“I’m glad you pulled through.” He let that linger in the air while he thought of where to go from here. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around more.” 

Leon didn’t know what he was doing. Between every sentence, he would stare at fixtures around the room until something that sounded “right” – if he even knew what that was – would come to him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t convince you to ride with me. Maybe you would be somewhere else right now.” Did he feel guilty about Claire’s accident? He hadn’t thought about it before, and he guessed it was because there hadn’t been time to process. Now, it was just coming out. 

“Maybe a lot of things would be different if I had been around more.” Leon could feel the anxiety returning. “I was relieved to see you in Harvardville, and I was relieved to see you make it out. Walking down that hill, it was nice. We were supposed to meet under something more…normal.” He briefly touched her hand before pulling it away and into his lap. “This isn’t how I wanted it.” 

His hands were slightly shaking as he ran them together. “After talking with Jill and Chris, I’m sorry that you may think I don’t care, but I’m sorrier to know I disappointed you.”  


Admitting that bothered him; it crossed some line he’d forged and buried years ago. Leon was done talking. He didn’t want to say anymore to her like this. This wasn’t the way Claire deserved his apologies – unconscious and unaware. 

He felt ashamed as he sat there, thinking over what was happening, what had happened, like they were all simultaneous. Leon hated most that he only had the guts to admit fault with what he’d done when there weren’t repercussions; he couldn’t, and wouldn’t, have said those things if Claire was awake. He thought back to the conversation in her tent, when she had been vulnerable. He had encouraged her, but Leon could have said so much more to her that he didn’t. Here he was, proving he hadn’t learned anything. 

Down the hall, Leon heard Chris and Jill, but a soft, pained sound drew Leon’s attention away from the door. It was a bittersweet, familiar sound. He’d heard it when he’d found Claire limping down the hallway, her leg injured. Leon watched those gentle eyes flutter, and he heard Chris and Jill both stop talking once in the room. Everyone was exchanging rapid glances as they waited. 

Her eyes were still a pristine blue color as they slowly adjusted to the room. They began to scan around, taking everything in, and bouncing from face to face – Leon to Jill to Chris and back several times. 

“How are you feeling, kiddo?” Chris made his way close to her on the side opposite Leon, who was frozen in his seat. 

Something was off. There wasn’t a smile or reaction from Claire. She wasn’t chiding Chris for calling in people, and she wasn’t surprised about Leon or Jill being there.

“Who are you?” Claire managed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate everyone's nice comments. It's been so encouraging when going over these chapters before posting them. I hope it continues to deliver. Like I said, I'm a few ahead, so I'll keep working on them and posting them quickly (fingers crossed!).


	4. Chapter 4

Claire innocently dropped a world-shattering bomb on them. Leon would have rather anything else than this, and from the looks of everyone else, they felt the same. 

“What do you mean ‘who are we’?” Chris was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding Claire’s hand, while Jill had very quietly stuck her head out the door to ask for a nurse. 

As nurses came in, making excuses of needing to check her numbers before a regular doctor visit, the trio made their way to the back of the room. Chris sat with his head in the corner, Jill patting him gently on the back, and Leon staring out the window, watching cars on the nearby highway.

_ Nothing good can ever come without a price, eh… _ Leon hated being right, and he thought about everything he’d second-guessed since Claire’s wreck. He worried that he was right on so many other fronts. 

Once the doctor was done, he pulled the group a little down the hall. “She has retrograde amnesia. She’s lost some of her memories from before the accident, and from what you are saying, it may be most of her memories. Since the scans came back clean, I don’t think it’s permanent; it’s more likely her brain’s response to the trauma. Her memories may come back naturally as she heals or through your help. How long it will take to get everything back I can’t say.” 

They made small talk, and Claire’s doctor continued to reassure the group. There was no damage; it was only a matter of time. Eventually, Chris and Jill were asking questions in a circle. They weren’t getting anywhere. As the doctor walked away, Chris hit a nearby wall. 

“This is bullshit.” 

“Hey, hey. It’s frustrating. But you don’t want to get thrown out right now, and you don’t want to scare Claire.” Jill was holding his bicep, patting it gently. Chris wouldn’t look at her, but he stood there, unmoving. “It’s going to be tough, but we’ll get through it. Like the doctor said, we’ll talk to her, show her photos, texts, emails, movies, everything. I know you wanted to take her to your place, Chris, but hers may be better now. There are a lot of her things there – her pictures and memories – it may help. You should go to your apartment and get everything that is a memory for her. Grab anything just in case. Step at a time though, like you said.” 

Jill continued to pat and to comfort Chris as Leon hung in the doorway of the room, watching the nurse’s finish their visit with Claire. She hadn’t smiled or said anything yet. Checking numbers, cords, and her bandages and casts, she simply watched and nodded her head in response to questions. She looked almost childlike and lost. Leon had never seen Claire look lost even if she probably was; she always seemed to know what she was doing, what was happening, and where she was going. She had a moral compass that pointed north, and she resolutely followed that time and time again.

“Hey, Leon. Come here for a second?” Jill was touching him on the shoulder. “I was just talking with Chris, and he’d asked a good question, but it puts you and I in a weird spot.” 

Leon doubted there could be a weirder spot than having someone you’ve known through the most difficult times of your life suddenly forget everything about you, about what you’ve been through, about the DNA of your relationship. For now, he was no one to Claire Redfield, and he felt suspended in mid-air.

“What’s up?”

“Chris wondered how much we were going to tell her in these early stages. For this moment, Claire doesn’t know anything about Umbrella, about the T-Virus, any of that. Are we really going to start the conversation by telling her she survived a zombie attack, and that is how she met you? That I know her because her brother and I served on a task force and respectively survived two zombie outbreaks? We also don’t want to scare her, and we don’t know how she’ll react to that information. I don’t want to worsen trauma by re-inflicting it. Does that make sense?”

_What are you to Claire without Umbrella? Without Raccoon City? _

He repeatedly asked himself, barely listening to Jill. An immediate panic ran through him. That’s what the question of meeting under more normal circumstances had meant – starting over on their terms, but not this. Leon wasn’t sure if Claire would like him without Umbrella or Raccoon City, and he thought, only briefly, he couldn’t agree with Jill’s request. 

Since he’d heard Jill tell Chris to gather up everything he had that might be a memory for Claire, Leon had also been wondering: Did he have anything to show her that would remind her of her past? Selfishly, he wondered if he had anything that would remind her only of him. 

_ What are you doing here? You don’t have anything to show. _  
He didn’t. That was the truth. Leon hadn’t physically seen Claire much after Raccoon City, and it had always been quick when it did happen. They didn’t take pictures or buy anything memorable. He hadn’t come to any holidays even though she always invited him, and he hadn’t come to celebrate her birthday or email her to say anything even though she always made sure to tell him happy birthday. 

“Leon?” Jill was lightly pushing him to get his attention.

“Sorry. Just a lot to think about,” He admitted, sadly. 

“I know… I know. We were saying that Chris should drive her home when they discharge her. I’ll ride with them to keep an eye on her, so she doesn’t get car sick and Chris can focus on driving. I texted Rebecca for a list of items she may need during her recovery, and we’re going to have you get those when we start the discharge process. We should all be able to meet up at her apartment, then we’ll tackle helping Claire.” 

“Sounds good to me, but…I don’t know where Claire lives.” There was the familiar guilt tugging at him again. 

“I’ll put it on the shopping list, no worries. I’ll get the address from Chris. I didn’t know either.” 

Jill had easily begun playing counselor, encouraging him. Leon traced through everything and wondered how the rookie cop had become the man standing here now. He’d all but pushed away the one person who had helped him survive the toughest night of his life and had helped him a second time only a few days ago. What kind of person was he? Was this who he wanted to be? Was he proud of who he was standing here? Achievements mean nothing when you can’t face the people who helped you get there.

The last of the nurses trailed out and gave a status update to Chris. She’d need a wheelchair to get around, and she’d need assistance in almost everything until they removed her casts. Otherwise, Claire had taken everything like a champ. The nurses were all smiles and assurances as they walked away from the group, leaving them outside the door. 

Nobody moved after they left. Jill, Chris, and Leon stood there, looking at each other and peering in the room. They had survived so much, and here they were, afraid of a girl in a hospital room.

“No choice but to introduce ourselves.” Chris took a deep breath and marched in, and the rest fell in line behind him. The Redfield “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” had kicked in.

Claire watched them, wide-eyed, while the group struggled with where to start. It was so strange to Leon. He remembered the wink she’d given him when he told her not to die. There was no wink here, no trace of that girl. A million Claires played before him, but none of them matched the girl in front of him. She wasn’t even the strong-willed girl riding her bicycle into the unknown.

“I’m Chris. Chris Redfield, Claire. I’m your older brother.” Chris stood at the end of the bed, a line none of them were willing to cross. They didn’t want to bear down on her, pressuring her, but they were also afraid of what she was now. 

“I’m Jill. Jill Valentine. I’m a friend of you and your brother. He and I have been in the same force for a while now.” They were just copying the one before them, unsure of what was ‘right’.

“I’m Leon. Leon Kennedy. I met you on my first day at the police station. You were looking for your brother.” Leon could feel concerned glances from Chris and Jill on him. “I spent the day helping you look for him, and we’ve been friends ever since.”

_ Stupid. This all feels so stupid. _

Claire just nodded. She didn’t say anything, and Leon couldn’t tell if he was okay with their introductions, with them, with anything. On one hand, he understood this must be a lot to take in, but he also just wanted her to talk. Deep down, he hoped for a “Got you!”, some proof this was all a sick joke. Claire was a charismatic person; talking came easy to her. Seeing her mute, sat there, was wearing.

“When you’re discharged, we’re going to take care of you, and we’re going to help you remember things. We’ll go through photos, videos, anything we have to help you out, Claire. We’re not going to give up until you’re better.” Chris had lightly touched her hand, but Claire hadn’t grabbed at his hand or reacted. She just sat there, taking it all in. 

The rest of the day had been awkward and a blur. Chris had told Claire to ask any questions she had for him, for any of them, and they would answer, but they largely sat in silence. They’d taken shifts going for dinner while she slept, and they’d been told that Chris could stay with her overnight, but Jill and Leon would have to go. Chris promised to contact them with any updates. 

“Here. Since you guys didn’t want to stay at hotels, this is Claire’s address,” Chris pulled out a key and scribbled on a piece of paper. “This is my spare. She has a bed in the office, so one of you can take that, and the couch turns into a futon.” 

Leon wasn’t sure if the apartment was what he had expected or not as they made their way in and settled themselves. It had floor to ceiling windows on the north and east walls that afforded a beautiful view of the city skyline. Large, dark grey curtains could be drawn, and they balanced out the red brick and dark mahogany of the apartment. Otherwise, it was modest. A small balcony on the right side could be accessed through a door that blended into the windows. Leon could see a few chairs, a table, and a couple plants out there. It was mostly open space – the kitchen, living room, and dining room all open to each other. On the far side of the room was a bedroom that didn’t have doors. 

“She took them down since she lived alone. It was the weirdest thing. I think deep down she liked the idea of being able to see everything from her bedroom in case something happened, but she lied and told me it was because she had wanted a studio instead. She’s a terrible liar, just so you know.” Jill was smiling to herself. “The bathroom still has its door though. In case you are worried.” 

Although they hadn’t agreed on it, Jill was making her way to the office with her bags. It still had its door, and Leon assumed that was because it was for work and guests. They could have privacy, but Claire didn’t want it for herself. Leon hadn’t realized that he truthfully had no idea how much Raccoon City and Rockport had affected her. 

_ Who are you? _

The apartment’s walls were decorated with photos that had no discernable organization. There was a picture of Chris graduating the police academy and a smiling Claire followed by a picture of Claire graduating high school with a very proud Chris. After that were random photos: her and Chris at a home in the woods; she and Jill at a nice reception; and a photo of Sherry at a school ceremony. He had forwarded that photo from Sherry’s guardian, and Leon had it framed on his desk at home. Inside, a sharp pain hit him at the thought of this fragile connecting thread – the pride in Sherry – they had but never discussed or known. He’d never thought of what Claire had done with the photo.

_ Who are you? _

Claire’s words kept replaying for him because, as he stood in this apartment, it felt meaningful. He’d never considered Claire’s life, and it was here, exposed for him, but it was like a puzzle he couldn’t solve. Who was Claire? Who was he to Claire? There was nothing in his apartment save from medals, awards, and a picture or two from events and of Sherry to show anyone even lived there. Claire’s place was bursting with life, but without her in it, Leon felt like he was in a foreign country and didn’t know the language. 

The young, naïve cop, who Leon thought he’d wrapped barrier and barrier over with each day slowly cracked through each like glass. He could see him, staring back at him.  
_ Who are you? _

He had started walking the apartment, taking in Claire and trying to fill in gaps. She had photos from when she received awards at TerraSave, and the awards themselves were on the line of bookshelves that made up one of her walls. By the TV were little memorabilia – a tiny ceramic raccoon, a few knick-knacks. The coffee table had a half-finished cup of coffee, a laptop, and underneath it there were photo albums on a shelf. 

Leon made his way over to her bedroom, looking in. Her room had more filled bookshelves in it, two doors, and plants near the windows. On top of the bookshelves were smaller, framed photos and a few candles. There was young Claire, young Chris, a photo of Chris and Jill at a reception, another photo of Sherry he’d received early on, and two photos of Leon he had sent Claire after things had gotten better between them – one when he was sworn in as an agent and one when he received an award. 

He was holding them up when Jill came in. “I had to run her to the drug store to print them each time you sent them. She was so proud of you. I didn’t know where she kept them though.” 

Jill had wandered over and started picking up photos. Tucked in the back was a photo of Jill, Chris, and Claire together. “This was after Rockfort. It was a celebration party for them.” Jill lightly ran her fingers over it. They were sat in a row at a table with food in front. It looked like a dining room somewhere. It was small and intimate. “We took more time for ourselves back then.” 

But Claire didn’t look happy in the photo; her eyes were looking beyond the camera as though she wasn’t there. Her thoughts were a mile away. “I don’t need to tell you, but she waited all night, hoping you’d show up. You can tell it hurt.” Jill lingered on the photo for a moment. 

“I’m glad things worked out between you two,” She said, handing it to Leon.

He could see what Jill meant – the feint sadness on Claire’s face. It stung. Delicately returning the photo, Leon was suddenly tired of looking around her apartment. He said to himself it was because he didn’t want to snoop, but he knew there were more ghosts of his failures lurking, waiting. 

In the corner of the room, hanging from a small hook on the wall was her red coat. “Made in Heaven,” it read. He faintly touched it. He hadn’t kept his R.P.D outfit; he’d wanted it gone as soon as possible. Covered in blood, scars, and pain, Leon thought it brought back too many nightmares to keep. Unlike him, Claire had kept her jacket in the most personal space she had. But, for now, it would mean nothing to her. Leon lingered on it, tracing the design on the back.

“I’m sure there are more things here you don’t know about.” Jill stood up from the door frame she’d began leaning on. “I honestly thought you knew about the photos until now. I thought it was deliberate; that you had sent them to her to have something of you. Now that I know differently, I’m sure seeing that was hard.” Jill was locking the door to the apartment. “There’s a lever on the bottom of the couch that lets it fold down. There are pillows in the closet over here,” She pointed to a door next to the office’s, “And blankets, too. Get some rest, Kennedy. We’ve got a long road ahead of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the pacing isn't too slow. I'm trying to give a lot of space for Leon and eventually Claire to work through some things, so I hope to make them interesting but not drag on.


	5. Chapter 5

Jill had shut the door, leaving Leon to make his bed, and although it wasn’t difficult, it took longer than it normally would have. He felt as though his body moved slower now. Leon chalked it up to exhaustion kicking in, but he didn’t fully believe it.

Leon sat on the edge of the futon, now made up as his bed, and looked at the coffee table. He thought about what felt strangest; it was as though he were in the room of a ghost. There were traces of Claire, not just in the pictures. She was here in front of him – an unfinished coffee, a closed laptop, and some picture albums. There was a remote haphazardly placed on the corner as though Claire had carelessly set it down. She had coasters, but from the coffee sat on the table, Leon didn’t think she ever used them. 

_ It’s the thought that counts. _ He could hear her say. 

Absentmindedly, Leon had started tracing each item as he reflected on it. Why hadn’t he put these things up when he made his bed? 

_ Because it’s the last evidence of her being here, of her being normal, of things being normal _

And it was true. 

Outside, it had started to rain, and Leon watched raindrops blur the skyline on the windows. He stared, for a long time, imagining what should have been. Claire leading him in, apologizing at how modest this place was compared to what she thought a government agent lived in; he thought of her awkwardly standing there, saying he could take a seat anywhere. “Just get comfortable.” She’d say to him, moving toward the kitchen, and he’d make his way to her, pulling her in. “Here’s comfortable enough.” 

And he replayed it. 

Leon thought of how much more comfortable Claire’s home was than his. She hadn’t been afraid to move on to stability, or if she was, it didn’t show. On the other hand, Leon ran from his home. He didn’t decorate it, and he couldn’t remember a span longer than a few months where he had stayed there every night. No, his attachment to it was like a hotel. But looking at Claire’s apartment, she’d put her charm, her life, into this place. It felt like her down to the brick and mortar, the bones and blood of the place; everything felt like her and felt like a home. 

Laying on the futon, glancing every so often at random spaces around him, Leon thought more about the times between. Claire coming home, taking off her shoes, walking to the couch, and throwing herself down. He thought of her staying in bed, reading or working. He thought of her sat outside on her balcony, drinking coffee. Leon recreated her. Every time he wrote a new version of her in this space, he worried he was farther and farther off the mark. 

He didn’t sleep well that night. Memories of Harvardville, Raccoon City, and missed opportunities waltzed in and out from behind a labyrinth of mirrors Leon was afraid he couldn’t escape. And he’d dreamed of more hypothetical situations – of helicopter rides and sunsets after near death with a blue-eyed girl leaned on his shoulder. 

When he awoke, Leon had pulled one of his pillows to his side and was holding it tight. He laid there, eyes closed, wondering if things would have truly been better if he had accepted invitations or talked to Claire more. Finally, Leon had rested on the truth: he’d probably be just as upset if he had. Guilt was his addiction. 

He must have dozed back off because he woke up to the smell of coffee and breakfast. Leon skirted past his suitcase and backpack, making his way to the counter and taking a seat. A cup of coffee was already waiting for him. 

“Morning.” Jill slid a plate over to him. He hadn’t known if she had been a good cook or not, but anything was better than hospital cafeteria food again. 

“Leon…”

“Yeah?” 

“I was just thinking…” Jill trailed off. “I’m rational. They said it isn’t permanent, and her memories will come back. But what if some things don’t?” Jill was playing with the coffee mug’s handle. “Chris is worried about unreal things – that even if it comes back naturally, somehow Claire won’t be entirely the same. Or some things won’t be exactly…right. I know that’s not the case – that he’s being a protective older brother – but still…It gets to you and plays on your anxieties, y’know?” 

He’d be lying if he didn’t have fears too, but it wasn’t going to help to dwell on them right now. He couldn’t; he barely held on as it were. “We just have to trust the doctors, Jill.”

“Yeah.” Jill finished off her coffee. “Yeah, we do. I’m going to get ready.’ Jill had gone off to the office with a look of both sadness and apprehension. 

Leon could hear a shower going, leaving him Claire’s bathroom where there was very little. Four pieces of what he thought was makeup, a hair dryer, towels and washcloths, face wash, soaps, and another candle. It was straightforward, and that fit with the Claire he knew.

_Or thought he knew. _

Leon didn’t take long. When he came back out, Jill was mostly done getting ready, so he made another cup of coffee and sat while waiting. He was still a stranger here, and the longer he thought about it, the stranger Claire was to him. 

Leon’s phone went off – a group message from Chris to he and Jill. 

_She’s started to ask questions and talking randomly. _

“That’s good news.” Jill was finally done, grabbing her leather jacket as they made their way to Leon’s car.

Leon dropped Jill off at the front of the hospital, and she’d left him with reassurances: “We shouldn’t be too long getting her and coming back.” He held onto that like a mantra for the rest of the drive

Leon made his way to the markets to finish the shopping list left to him, but when he made it back to the apartment, they hadn’t returned. Nervously, Leon picked up around the apartment. He cleaned dishes, put laundry and towels in to wash and dry – menial things. He didn’t know what else to do with himself. Fortunately, Jill and Chris arrived not long into his cleaning anxiety, wheeling Claire in. 

“I don’t mean to put you right back in a bed, Claire, but they said laying down is the best thing we can do for you right now until you’ve healed a little more. Maybe later we can watch some movies.” Chris was already wheeling Claire toward her room, but she was nodding her head, smiling. It wasn’t talking, but to Leon it was starting to mean something. He went ahead of Chris and began turning down Claire’s bed. 

“Give me a hand, Kennedy? You’re going to have to be careful and guide her from her lower back.” 

To Leon’s surprise, Claire supported herself on Chris with her undamaged hand and stood on her other leg to make it into the bed. Leon helped by guiding her gently to get her comfortable. 

They tried to be a little normal with their routine, but the first month was quiet and difficult. They tried talking with Claire about events or themselves, but she slept most of the day. Leon had drawn the overnight shift when they were deciding, but he was fine with it. He was easily more of a night owl than the other two, and Claire slept through them without hassle. For Leon, it was a matter of just staying awake and making sure nothing happened.

And taking care of Claire eventually got easier for everyone. After a few weeks, her casts had been removed, letting her move around more independently or with crutches, and she was starting to say small sentences – nothing profound, yet. 

Claire was staying awake more since she was mobile, and Chris had suggested they play some home movies he’d brought with him. Leon watched a young Claire toddle, sing at church, have a school play, play softball, and play pranks and be pranked. He watched her grow up, and he felt a little sorrow he’d never known about these moments before. Claire had never told him any, and he had never asked. Admittedly, he'd never shared anything with her either, not that there were many happy, childhood memories, if any. He realized that, for him, Claire didn’t exist before Raccoon City; no, he’d frozen her in time unfairly. Now, he somewhat grieved for the innocent girl in her school play, and how much he didn’t know of her.

As the group watched scene after scene of young Claire's life, Chris explained every story to her as she watched and listened, mesmerized. They finished one film, and Chris promised he had more but for another night; he didn’t want to overwhelm her. 

“Where are my parents?” Claire blurted out as Chris was handing her the crutches. 

“C-Claire.” Chris’s shoulders sank. “Our parents died when you were young – in elementary school. It’s just been you and me since then.” Chris had started to shift his weight, standing there. “I shouldn’t have shown you that. I didn’t think about it.” Chris looked defeated. 

Gently, Claire put her hand on Chris. “It’s okay.” She seemed to gather her breath for a second. “I’m tired.” 

Chris and Leon helped Claire back to her bed and tucked her in. Leon had left the room, leaving Chris with Claire. Jill and Leon sat in the kitchen, making small talk, but Leon hadn’t resisted listening in. Softly, he could hear Chris humming or lightly singing - he couldn't tell which - and Leon could see Chris’s hand rubbing Claire's back. 

“He’s sung that song to her since they were little. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve heard that melody from both of them.” Jill finished washing dishes. “They sing it when their thoughts wander, when their bored, when their sad, when they lay down for the night. Couples have their songs, the Redfields have theirs.” 

The singing had stopped for a moment only to be replaced with soft snores. Chris walked passed Jill and Leon to the office without a word, and Jill followed him with her eyes. 

“He’s going to be sensitive for a bit after that, ‘kay. Don’t take him too personally if he acts stupid and may be a good idea to be on best behavior. Both of us.” Jill smiled to Leon. It was reassuring. Although she’d shown concern this morning, her optimism pushed Leon and, he assumed, Chris forward.

After Jill had said her goodnights to Leon and to Claire, Leon had taken up his vigil at Claire’s bedside seat, a nice deep blue velvet, winged-back chair from the corner of the room moved near her bed. They left one light on in the room for work and for emergency – in case Claire started to have problems or needed medicine. Leon had brought his laptop to work on and a book from Clarie’s shelf, but he wasn’t using either. Instead, he had set them on the bookshelf and watched her rest for a few moments. Without the casts, he was finding it easier to see her as normal even if only slightly. 

However, a faint glimmer caught his eye. Leon made his way to Claire, wiping away a few tears streaming down her cheeks. He let his hand linger there, tracing her cheek with his thumb before quietly making his way back to his seat. He could hear his heart beating in his throat. 

Leon returned to his computer, staring at the screen until he calmed down. Hunnigan had him doing paperwork duty for the time being, so he was working but was unavailable for missions. It kept time moving and worked his brain on something other than fretting, which he appreciated. He would have gone crazy if he solely watched and waited until Claire was back to herself. 

There weren’t many emails for Leon to take care of, so he finished his emails, paperwork, and two cups of coffee early in the night. Now, he was searching through his email for exchanges with Claire, pulling them out and saving them into one place for her to see someday. He was also searching through any photos he may have, but he only had photos of Sherry. 

“Do I have one of those?” Claire had startled Leon, but she was awake, pointing at his laptop. “Chris said I work a lot from home, so do I have one?” 

Leon nodded, retrieving the laptop from the living room. She flipped it open and looked at it, a frown growing over her face. 

“I don’t remember the password.” 

“I’m sorry, Claire. I should have thought of that.” 

But Claire waved her hand at him. “Don’t apologize. The problem is that I don’t remember anything. Shouldn’t be surprised, really.” 

And for the first time since this had started, Leon smiled. “I’m glad your sense of humor is still there.” For a moment, he’d felt relief, but Claire was blankly staring at him again.

“Really? I’m like this? A lot?” 

“Y-yeah. You’ve bitten all of us with your sarcasm one time or another.” A silence hung there. The Claire he knew was sarcastic, but he felt he was overstepping his bounds. Did he really know her that well? Looking around, no. “Is there a hint for the password?” 

She nodded. “There is, but I don't understand it. There is this nice picture of us. Well, not us…” Claire turned the computer to face Leon. It was a cabin interior with a giant Christmas tree, decorated with popcorn, tinsel, ornaments, and a giant star on the top. There was a roaring fire and a comfy couch, and in front of this scenery was Claire, Chris, and Jill – all in matching Christmas pajamas, staring happily at the camera. Chris had some cheap red tinsel tied around his head that made him look like Rambo.

“You’re not there though…” Claire sadly whispered to Leon. “Did you take the photo?”

“N-no. I didn’t. I wasn’t there. You invited me, but my job…” He’d almost said that his job wouldn’t let him off, but he knew that was a lie. At this point in his service, Leon could have had a holiday off or, at least, a portion of one. There were plenty of young agents that could do some of the jobs he did, and Leon didn’t have to always answer the call. But he hadn’t wanted to lie either – he’d ditched her. He didn’t even think he even responded to the email asking him to come. “I worked that day instead of coming. I shouldn’t have though, and I regret that.” 

“Are we actually friends?” Claire’s blunt reply surprised Leon, and her accompanying skeptical look at him hurt.

“It’s complicated. We’re close, but so many things have happened...” Was this even the right conversation to have with her now? He had no idea.

“I work for the government, Claire, so I put my life on the line a lot, and we never check in other than to make sure each other are safe. I’m sorry about that, too.” Leon sighed. This was getting harder to navigate, and he could feel his heart speeding up. “We didn’t fight or anything. We’ve only had one fight, and it was a long time ago. I just ran from everything and everyone for a long time. I’m trying to be better.” 

Claire studied Leon’s face, and he felt himself growing red. He was exposed, and Claire’s lack of response was anxiety-inducing. 

“Claire?” 

“That’s fine. I understand, sort of…I think, at least? You know what I mean.” She looked frustrated. There were things probably flying through her head she was unsure of whether to say or not. “Do I have a photo with you?”

“No, but you have these over here.” Leon grabbed the two photos from her bookshelves. 

“In my bedroom?” 

Leon laughed at the idea. There was something in her inflection that sounded like a mortified kid. It was as though he had found her diary, and it was a rare moment from Claire regardless of the situation. “I guess. I didn’t know. I saw them when we stayed here before bringing you home. Had no idea.”

“So, you’ve never been here?” Claire was giving him a suspicious look. 

“No, I haven’t. I don’t live around here. I live in DC and am always away, working.” 

She nodded her head for a moment, taking the photos. “What are they from?” 

“This one,” he pointed at the induction ceremony photo, “Was from when I was formally sworn in as a government agent. I had someone take a photo, and I sent it to you afterward. And this one,” Leon moved to the next,” This one is from when I got an award for saving civilians during a mission. Same thing as the first – asked for a photo and sent it to you.”

“Why?” 

Leon had never thought about why he’d sent Claire those pictures, and he didn’t know if he could think of a good reason, honestly. He’d just done it without thinking, and it had felt right.

“I just wanted to. When I got the photos, it seemed natural to send them to you.”

Claire studied the pictures, her eyes taking in every detail. Leon knew there were two different sides of him before her- one closer to the young boy, and one closer to himself now. He wondered how she felt about them. Was one more preferable? What had she thought of the boy and the man he'd become before the wreck?

"You are handsome in these.” Claire gave Leon back the photos with a yawn. 

Leon sighed - a mix between relief and laughter. He didn't know how he felt about her appraisal of the photos, but it was something to worry about later. “You should probably get some rest. It’s late, and I’m keeping you up.” He took her laptop and placed it on the bedside table. “Do you want me to ask Chris and Jill about your laptop password in the morning?” 

“No…Can I try to remember?” She asked him earnestly. 

“Of course.” Leon took his seat and started reading the book he’d taken from Claire’s shelf earlier. “I’ll be here in case you need anything.”

Claire nodded and closed her eyes. Within a few minutes, she was sleeping soundly, and Leon took time to think about the questions Claire had asked and the answers he'd given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't say enough how encouraging and helpful everyone's comments have been. It's overwhelming. I'm glad that I just need to rewrite/revise chapters rather than write from scratch. I think I'd be too worried about failure to write anything for the time. This chapter I have worked and worked on, so I hope it is good. I've been unsure about it, but the threads that start here feel important for later.


	6. Chapter 6

Leon started to make breakfast and coffee a little before six each morning, and at six on the dot, Chris took over watching Claire. Chris snatched up the plates and headed toward the bedroom, coming back for one coffee and one orange juice. This morning, when Leon turned around, Jill was sitting down to her food at the bar in the kitchen rather than on the couch as usual. It must have been the tired or lost-in-thought look on his face; he wasn’t sure. Instead, he stood there, glass in hand, watching Jill. He’d already eaten but was taking time to slowly drink water and to think before trying to sleep.

“How’d it go last night? She do okay?” Jill asked as they sipped at their drinks.

“Yeah, I think. She was asking a lot of questions, a lot of difficult questions.” Leon sighed and leaned against the counter top. The questions and his answers were still hanging over him. “I told her the truth about how bad of a friend I’ve been.” 

Jill ran her finger over the rip of the cup before a small grin appeared. She sighed, making a soft whistle sound. “For what its worth, I think that was the best thing you could do. Like I said, you need to decide what’s going to change after this if you regret so much. I’m glad to hear that one change is being more honest about your faults. Claire would, and will, appreciate that.” 

Leon wondered what he really had to lose by being more open right now. He’d felt like he’d lost everything when Claire couldn’t remember him or her past, so, in a way, the worst had already happened. And if he had been honest in wanting to know her better outside of outbreaks, he’d have to turn over a new leaf eventually. 

“I’m glad I’m not the only one that got personal questions.” Jill was cleaning up the kitchen alongside Leon. “She wanted to know why her brother’s friend would want to be her friend. She asked why I was always at holidays and in so many photos. It was weird to try to explain all of this. Explaining it is just…” Jill mimicked shivering. Leon nodded. 

“You almost have to open up too much for her.” He offered, drying the plates. 

“Exactly!” 

They could hear Chris and Claire talking in the other room, and although it wasn’t clear what was being said, there was a feint sound of laughter. 

The Jill and Leon watched the door frame to Claire’s room. The distance was tangible. “Some things can’t really be forgotten.” Jill smirked at the growing giggle. “Honestly, she immediately trusted him and has come to trust us just as fast. I think that’s a good sign. She’s still the Claire we know deep down.” 

“I know what you mean. She called me handsome last night.” Leon smirked. 

“I take my comment back. We should have them double-check that she doesn’t have any brain damage.” Jill nudged him in the ribs as she walked toward the living room with a new cup of coffee. “Go and get yourself some rest, Kennedy. You’ve earned it.” 

He made his way to the office where Jill and Chris stayed. Although he hated the idea, he couldn’t be a chooser in this situation; it was what it was. But he didn’t think about it long. Leon’s dreams were normal, but he couldn’t remember them. He just didn’t feel…exhausted after them. In fact, it was the first time in a while he woke up feeling somewhat rested. 

Outside the room, he could hear people talking and laughing. He rushed to clean up and made his way out to the group, but he caught himself in the doorway. Chris was playing another tape, one of what looked to be a very young Claire trick-or-treating in a cat costume. He was overly animated, telling a grand story to the group. 

“Earlier that day, you’d gotten in trouble for something dumb, and you had blamed me for it. For the rest of the day, Claire, you just kept brushing me off. I agreed to go trick-or-treating with you on my Halloween – to spend Halloween with my boring little sister, who is a mean gremlin. Every time I offered to hold your hand, you got mad and told me off, and look where it gets you!” 

Leon noticed the video playing on Claire’s television. A young girl, dressed in a generic bunny costume, stood with her arms crossed on a porch. A young Chris held his hands out to help little Claire down the stairs of the house, but she turned him away. She says some choice words, and then slips on the last step and bites it, immediately crying. Chris picks her up and carries her off camera, laughing while Claire squeals and throws her fists at him, a whirlwind of busted ass and damaged pride. 

Claire laughed the hardest Leon had seen in a long time – accident or no accident. Jill giggled, too. “Don’t worry, Claire. Every time you fall and Chris helps you up, he reminds you he’s been doing it since you were teeny-tiny,” Jill managed between giggles. 

The tape continued. Chris graduated something. Claire had martial arts class, and she won a school science fair from the judge of it. It took a while for Leon to realize that Chris had been the one taping some of these moments. Even after losing so much, Chris had wanted to memorialize their life. If there was something that best represented how strong the Redfields were, it was playing for Leon right now. 

They ate, watched, and talked. Chris helped Jill navigate getting Claire in the bathroom for a pseudo-bath and a hair wash before bed; everyone was still being gentle with her recovering injuries. When they finished, Jill blow-dried Claire’s hair as Chris started to yawn. 

“You can go to bed. I can get her back to her room and then Jill can go to bed too. You guys need rest.” Leon offered as he turned Claire's bedding down.

“No funny business, Kennedy.” Chris offered between yawns. “Jill told me about Claire calling you handsome. I’ve half a mind to take her in for a checkup tomorrow.” Chris was still catching up on the sleep he’d missed when everything started. “Night, Claire! Night, Jill,” Chris yelled before he went into the office. 

Leon hadn’t said anything to Jill since her mention of Claire asking intrusive questions, but it probably didn’t help that Jill and Chris both slept in the office. Claire never saw anyone sleep on the futon from her bedroom. She wasn’t dumb, and Leon knew questions were only going to get worse. 

When Jill finished up, Leon helped Claire settle in for the night while Jill went to bed. Jill hadn’t put up Claire’s hair, and Leon didn’t think he’d ever seen it down. For the past month or more, it had been up in ponytails typically; Jill helped Claire get ready mostly in the morning. Tonight had been an anomaly because Claire and Chris had spent so long in the morning. 

Claire was still as pretty as ever to him, but the way her hair framed her face made her look more delicate somehow. It didn’t help that the contrast of her auburn hair brought out how beautiful her eyes were but now didn’t feel like the right time to compliment her – not when she wasn’t fully back. 

“Any luck remembering your password?” He made his way to the chair with a cup of coffee in hand.

Claire shook her head sadly. “No, I thought about it all day. I tried everyone’s names, but it didn’t work. I’ll try again when I have more ideas.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me.” 

“Did you finish the book last night? Was it any good?” She was in good spirits, smiling. Leon watched the way she delicately tucked her hair behind her ears as she talked; the way she gave him full eye contact when she talked to him. He wanted to appreciate it, but he couldn’t linger. Instead, he committed it to memory.

“Yep. It was a murder mystery book, and it kept me guessing until the end. You’ve got good taste.” 

They spent time just visiting about everything. She’d asked what his job was like, and he danced around the tough parts to say he fought international bad guys who wanted to hurt people. 

“Can I ask a favor?” She started leaning forward in her bed, pointing to the coffee table. “Jill said there are photo albums in there. Could you bring me one?” 

Leon brought the first one he grabbed and took his seat nearby while Claire slowly flipped through the photo album. The brief glimpses Leon snagged let him know they were photos from late high school, early college, and post-Raccoon City. 

“Oh… It’s you,” She said, turning the album to him. It was a news clipping with a headshot of Leon. “Young Government Agent Saves Lives,” it read. Claire was reading through the article while Leon shrunk inside himself. It was the article about the incident he’d been awarded for, for the reason behind the second picture he’d given Claire. Inadvertently, he thwarted a plot and saved a few lives. He’d never thought about Claire keeping up with him outside of their exchanges.

“I’m weird, keeping these things without really seeing or talking to you.” Claire kept going through the album. After that were pictures of other things: beautiful views, Claire and Chris hiking, traveling photos, random gatherings. 

“I don’t think you should feel weird about it, Claire. I sent you pictures of myself out of the blue without probably saying much before or after. We’ve both been this kind of weird for a while. Weird has been our normal for…almost ten years. Jill said you kept the photos I gave you because you were proud of what I had done. This may be the same.” 

He took a breath, struggling with what to say. “I’m flattered you would do so.” 

Claire blushed and focused on looking at the album until she finished. She handed it back to him without looking. While he was putting it up, he noticed from the corner of his eyes she had put her hands over her face. Leon smiled slightly at the idea she felt embarrassed. He only saw it for a moment before she had thrown her head back and closed her eyes. Although she had only laid there for a few moments, Claire was already drifting off to sleep when he came back. When she did wake up, Leon helped Claire around with a few odd jobs: opening the bathroom door for her, getting her water, helping her get a few pillows she knocked over. 

“What are Chris and Jill?” 

Claire had been genuine with her question, but Leon felt tense. The wrong thing here, and Chris and Jill were going to have a problem with him, but he couldn’t help himself: the question made him laugh a little. 

“I don’t know. Really. And don’t give me that look.” Whatever Leon was saying, it didn’t look as though Claire bought it. “I’ve not been around them together, and you don’t talk to me about them. In fact, this is the first time I’ve been around them. Scouts honor. Like I said, we checked on each other and then went quiet for a while. No exchanging gossip.”

“Lame but makes sense.” Claire was sitting with her laptop. “I tried to find something out because, well…they obviously aren’t sleeping out there,” She pointed at the futon, “And I can tell something’s going on, but I don’t know what. It’s frustrating.” 

Leon smirked at her. “Normally, you would make fun of me for not picking up on things. It’s nice to see it the other way around for once.” He patted her leg as he made his way to the kitchen. “Any special requests for breakfast?” 

“Different cook?”

“Fresh out. Sorry.” 

“You’re not.”

“Not at all.” Leon had heard a slight giggle from Claire’s room. They’d had banter before but nothing under these kinds of circumstances. Humor had helped them cope briefly during and after Raccoon City as well as Harvardville but joking when they weren’t surviving elated Leon. Parts of their foundation could shift and build something new under different circumstances. He smiled at the idea that their relationship wasn’t purely built on surviving together – that it was built upon actual chemistry.

Chris and Jill had mentioned Claire having a sweet tooth several times since Leon had been there, so he settled on pancakes as a treat. Lately, she’d been making progress in conversation – longer, well-thought-out sentences, jokes, and building on previous conversations. The old memories weren’t there, but more and more of her personality was making its way out. 

From the kitchen, he could hear Claire type and grunt in frustration. She’d been working on that laptop password for a while, but the fact she was determined to do it on her own was important to her and, as he thought about it, him. Just as Claire was determined to find Chris when she came to Raccoon City, she was going to remember this password, and Leon was going to support her. 

“How was last night? No funny business?” Chris was stretching, taking his seat, and Jill wasn’t far behind. 

Leon held up his hands. “No funny business, officer.” He lightly ran over the night’s conversations but omitted the topic of Chris and Jill; he’d leave that for a later, more private conversation with Jill. 

“Hey, Claire. Got your breakfast.” Leon announced, carefully carrying in her pancakes. “The cook heard the complaint and hopes a meager offering of pancakes can reverse the poor reviews.” Jill had gotten Claire a tray, so she could take food in her room when she was tired. Because they’d talked most of the night, Leon made the call she was tired. It usually took a while after waking up before Claire had the energy to start moving around anyway, so she’d been taking breakfast from bed most mornings. 

“I’ll put your laptop over here,” Leon said as he placed it on the bedside. When he turned around, Claire was looking around her for something. 

“What’re you looking for?” 

“A hair tie,” She was running her hands over the covers and pillows, patting everything down. “I don’t want to get my hair in the syrup. I thought I….I thought I…had one last night…” Her face had a slight anxiety creeping up. 

“There’s a tie in the bathroom. Sorry! I forgot!” Jill offered up, but Leon could tell Claire wasn’t too pleased about the answer as she looked to the door and to the tray of food. 

“I got it.” Leon came back with one of the hair bands. “Lean a little my way, so I can make sure I get it in the center.” He started gathering her hair up. “You can’t get mad at me if it doesn’t look good, okay? I haven’t done a ponytail since…” Leon was trying to think the last time he’d done a ponytail. It really had been so long ago that he started drifting through memories, absently making Claire’s ponytail.

“Since Sherry, probably. You did her ponytail, and it was fine.” 

Leon had finished her ponytail, but the silence in the apartment was thick. He stood there with so many thoughts running through his mind – how soft Claire’s hair was and how it still carried that familiar, floral smell he associated with her, how there had been a moment where Sherry, Claire, and he felt like a family on vacation. That all slowly disappeared. Sherry had been off topic because there was no explanation for Sherry or the emotional attachment Claire would have for Sherry without talking about Umbrella and Raccoon City. None of those moments had been brought up since the accident. 

“C-Claire. What did you say?” Chris was already in the room, making his way to her bedside. 

Claire looked confused at everyone’s interest. “That Leon probably hasn’t done a ponytail since Sherry. Leon did her hair one morning. I told him to not worry about it, that she could wait until I got out of the shower, but he’s a pushover. He’d just did it for her because she looked sad enough. I got onto him, but it made Sherry happy, so I gave up.”

“You remember Sherry? You remember us and Sherry?” Leon managed.

_ Us? _

The weight of the words seemed to finally resonate with Claire as she put her hands over her mouth and looked at the others. “Y-yeah. I do. I remember you and Sherry one morning, being annoyed because you didn’t listen, but not much else.” Tears had started to run down her face.

Leon had moved himself and the food out of Chris’s way, so he could get to her, pressing his forehead against hers. “I’m so glad to hear that, Claire. So glad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay. I do have chapters typed up ahead, but I underestimated how much this last semester would take out of me and out of my time. I hope to be more frequent (whatever that will mean) and to put out things you all enjoy. I hope this is okay and thank you :)


	7. Chapter 7

Leon was ecstatic. Not only did Claire remember him, he was the first memory she recovered. He didn’t force her intentionally to remember him, but Leon would be lying if he said he hadn’t hoped for it. 

But the celebration was short-lived.

“Where is she? Sherry. Where is she?” It was an honest question to ask, but it was a loaded one. Leon’s stomach knotted. This was the worst test he could’ve gotten. 

“Um. Sherry’s with a foster family. Her parents are both dead, and…” Leon was stumbling over thoughts. He paced the room, walking back and forth at the foot of Claire’s bed. “When we rescued Sherry, she and I got hurt. You were trying to find your brother, who went missing a few weeks before. We’d learned he may be in Europe. You and I talked a lot about what we were doing while we tried to get somewhere we could treat Sherry and I’s injuries. You wanted to find your brother; you were adamant, and I now understand why. But I didn’t then…” 

Leon slumped in the chair that had been by Claire’s bedside. He couldn’t run. He’d promised Jill, himself, and Claire. He wasn’t going back on it. “We fought. That was the big fight we had. In the distance we saw help, and I yelled at you. We didn’t know what to do. We were stuck in a push and pull, not making any decision. I told you to go find your brother instead of waiting on us to recover, and we both left each other angry.” 

Chris had slowly moved away, letting Leon be with Claire, and she hadn’t turned her gaze from Leon since he started talking. Leon put his hand on her thigh. “I’m sorry, Claire.”

He didn’t know it mattered. Part of him hated that the Claire deserved that apology before the wreck. Part of him understood that now is better than never.

She scrutinized him, and he wondered how much she may remember or if his vague statements and if his version seemed untrustworthy. And he worried how the Claire from before the wreck remembered these moments. Her ghost tinged every thought, every conversation. He wanted to stop, but he felt like all these words, thoughts, emotions, were welling up, escaping from him without control. Some scale had tipped. Before, Leon was afraid she wouldn’t accept him. Now, he was afraid Claire would run without the truth. He was afraid she’d slip away from him if he didn’t give everything. She was there, so close, and he felt like his apologies were building a bridge across a chasm to reach her.

“I pushed you away, so you would leave. You trusted me to take care of Sherry. In some of our talks, we had made plans: you would find your brother, let me know where to find you, and Sherry and I would meet you when you came back, or I would catch up once we got Sherry to safety – all these ‘what-ifs’. Instead, the help wasn’t help, and they took Sherry. When you found out, you were upset. No, you were furious with me, and I had been mad at you for what happened. Sherry got taken, and I was forced into the government, so I could still watch over her. I was mad at myself because you trusted me to keep Sherry safe, so I lashed out at you. I thought it was unfair you asked me to do that…alone. I was ashamed. I’d said if we stuck together, we could survive anything, do anything. The minute you left, I failed. Like so many other times I had in Raccoon City…”

Leon got the picture of Sherry from the nearby bookshelves and handed it to Claire. “The family she’s with sends me photos, and I share them with you. When she and I were taken, I didn’t tell anyone about you because I didn’t know what would happen, so I couldn’t get you access to Sherry after she was adopted. I’ve been middle-man on that front; I sent things between you guys and kept you in the loop.” 

Leon watched as Claire affectionately looked at the photo and traced the little girl’s face. 

“This is what we fought over. You were the better person. You smoothed things over and told me I did the right thing, that you were sorry you hadn’t been there to help. And I’ve always admired that you were strong while I failed at it. I’ve failed at it every time. But Sherry’s an adult now, out in the world, and she talks to you and me when she can. She’s busy, living life, but she’s never forgotten you, Claire. And I’m glad you’ve never forgotten her, even now.” 

Leon took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I couldn’t keep her around, keep her safe; I’m sorry I blamed you for it; and I’m so sorry I made you feel you were to blame for it.” This Claire wouldn’t really understand everything he was saying, but he’d needed it out. He realized how truly tired he was of some burdens.

There was silence after Leon finished. Chris and Jill stood in the living room, waiting, while Claire looked at the photo of Sherry. A few tears fell, here and there, and Leon hadn’t moved. It wasn’t fear of Chris or her, it was his own frailty. For a moment, he felt empty inside, like he’d let everything of himself out, and Leon was waiting for Claire’s reaction. When she’d remembered him and Sherry, a warmth had begun to fill him. Now, he waited to see if he could have that back.

After some time, Claire finally took in Leon, appraising him with red eyes and even redder cheeks. “Thank you. That must have been hard to go through, especially alone, and it must be tough to talk about.”

“Claire…you don’t have to apologize. Not again.” _ Fuck. No. _

“I know I don’t, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t the right thing to do. Thank you for trying, for continuing to try to be better, even if you couldn’t do it.” Claire laid her head back. She let out a sigh and closed her eyes. “That was a lot.” 

Jill rested a hand on Leon’s shoulder and was patting the other. “I think you should eat, take your medicine, and rest. You’re right; that was a lot.” She moved over and patted Claire’s thigh. “You remembered something, and now you have a lot to process. Steps at a time, Claire. No shame in that. And Leon here…Well, he needs to get to bed. Like you said, it was a lot for him too” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” He admitted. Leon was exhausted – the lack of sleep, conversation, anxiety, and guilt had all taken a toll. 

Chris moved back into Claire’s room. Their low voices filled the background like a soft lullaby for Leon. Jill walked with him to the office and held the door open. “Hey, Kennedy.”

“Yeah?” 

“I know that was tough and a lot happened quickly. Just know that, in my opinion, she took that seriously, and she trusted everything you said. Claire doesn’t think you’re pulling the wool over her eyes, and she understands you’re doing something important. Does she understand why? No. But she will. You’re not doing this for no reason; it matters. It’ll all add up in the end. Don’t lose sight of that. Rest up.” Jill shut the door behind her, leaving Leon in the dark.

Leon laid in bed for a while, coming down. He’d said so many things, but it didn’t take long for him to fall into a deep sleep. The anxiety couldn’t beat his exhaustion.

He didn’t have any dreams, but he woke up in a panic. Leon heard screams from Claire’s room and instinctively ran towards it. By the time he made it to Claire’s room, it had stopped. Jill was feeding her some medicine and water. Chris was holding Claire as she quietly sobbed. Leon joined Jill, standing at the side of the bed, but she pointed to the living room. 

It took a few moments, and Leon paced the living room, but Jill joined him, rubbing her forehead in frustration. “I think she remembered one of the outbreaks. Raccoon City is likely since she was asking about Sherry, but it could have been any of them, really. We don’t know. She woke up screaming, horrified. I gave her medicine to help her sleep, but she doesn’t have much to help. We’ll probably have to call that in to her doctor. We can’t have her not sleeping while she’s healing.”

Leon collapsed into the couch and rested his head in his hands. _ This is my fault. You had to run your mouth and now look what happened. _ He felt his brief happiness had come at a price. Claire had remembered him; Claire had remembered the horror. 

_ You’re always so selfish. _

“Hey. It isn’t your fault. And she wasn’t alone. We were here.” Jill patted his knee. “She would have remembered eventually, and we can’t know that anything moved faster for any particular reason. She remembered Sherry without you or any of us saying anything, so don’t hold this against yourself.” She leaned back and stretched. “This is, unfortunately, part of the deal. We didn’t acknowledge it, but to get Claire back, she’ll have to remember some bad moments.”

After a few moments Chris came in and took a seat in the nearby armchair, slouching down in it like he was exhausted. “She’s asleep.” 

“Good.” Jill had come over to Chris, patting his shoulder. “You handled that great.” 

“Thanks.” But Chris had a thousand-yard stare. “This is shit.”

She drifted off to the kitchen. “We knew that. I was telling Leon: We didn’t want to talk about it, but this was part of the deal. For her to remember everything, Claire will have to remember the bad, too.” Jill came back to the group with another cup of coffee. “It’s going to be hard, but we can’t hold it back if it comes naturally to her. We can only help her deal with it.” 

“Kennedy.” Chris was leaning back in the chair, staring at the ceiling. “We’re going to have to medicate her at night if we want her to sleep – at least until she can without the nightmares. I’m sorry, but what’s best for Claire comes first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time, no post! I clearly underestimated how much the semester would tax me. Add COVID, and I have been overwhelmed and unable to edit and to update new chapters. This chapter, fingers crossed, makes up for that long absence.
> 
> As always, I look forward to your comments and continuing this story. Also, I am sorry to leave you at a bad moment in their story, but we will get somewhere better (eventually!). 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I've written fanfiction stories elsewhere in the past, but I've not in years and can't say it was good then. Comments and feedback are appreciated, and I'll try to keep up with edits and updates as I can. Finally, this story is a bit long; it came to me, and I just kept writing and writing and writing... I hope it is interesting and worth your time. 
> 
> Thank you!


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